B'day, Valentine's day and New year eve's

unlike most ppl i know, these are 3 most stressful days of the year for me.

for years now i have struggled to explain my dis-interest in celebrating these events to my friends.

The reason i gave myself, for this inability was that its my communication skills both written and verbal which let me down. If its in English then the situation get worse. But of late i have realized that this was not the only reason, i definitely didn't like these days but my thoughts weren't clear(or rather as clear as they are now) as to why.

BIRTH DAY's

To begin with, i find no reason for me to celebrate this day at all. I can recall nothing that i did on that particular day for me to celebrate its arrival. If at all there is someone who needs celebrate it its my parents and more so my mother. She took all the pain on that day and added something to this world. By this i don't mean my mother gave birth to a super hero or something in those lines. I just mean that i would take part in moving the evolution of mankind in my own way and am an addition to this world(positive or negative).

Main reason for stress is to convince my friends about this very opinion of mine. In school, a friend of yours would leak this news in the classroom and without fail class teacher would make you stand by her while the entire class sings you wishes. This would arguably be the most embarrassing moment of the day for me, it gets worse when the song ends and my classmates expect me to distribute chocolates which i never did. I can see the look in their eyes some of them were angry some were sympathetic and some were puzzled.
I am not questioning the intentions of them for wishing me but i could never understand the purpose and so never obliged to those requests.

It's just the way i was raised may be, i never had a big birthday bash and never saw a reason for doing so either. Add to that i was never allowed to carry any money with me, which cancels out the possibility of buying chocolates and may be distributing them( which i seriously doubt knowing very well about the selfish me :)). financial choices were never in my hand, i was left to play with my ideological freedom which i thoroughly enjoyed. only thing that would change on my b'day at home was that my mom would wake me up with a smile and remind(wish) me that i am year older now. of-course i would be exempted from all the stupid tasks like getting coriander leaves for that day.

When i reached college, the stress levels have gone up. It was a social norm to give your friends a party. You will be intimidated for not giving a party on that day and i usually gave in to those intimidation's. I had to collect whatever pocket money i had, then i had to shortlist ppl to be able to manage my expenses without having to lend money from others. This entire process was so stressful and i have never enjoyed it till date.

Then a new trend starts close friends of yours start wishing you at 12 PM in the midnight, this is a sign of your friendship. If you don't get a wish at 12 then he/she is probably not in your close friends list, oh i forgot to mention these are supposed to be surprise calls :). On the other side of it, you have to return back the courtesy by calling at 12 on their bday's. This is a huge expectation for me because i can never remember dates, be it of any prominence and i used to struggle to be awake till 12 in the night. if you don't consequences are not so good, to say the least.

At this age i was reminded the day before in one way or the other that my b'day is coming. But i have to act surprised at 12, that's the golden rule :). I think i was good at this. i think i used to enjoy this bit the most, to act as if i was in deep sleep wake up and smile surprised. Cut the cake, pose for the camera and wash cream off my face and then go to sleep.

Most annoying thing of the day is when i am expected to look different act different and do different things. And this expectation irritates me and i try to act normal ironically this is not my normal style and so i am being diff :).

I am and was actually scared of B'day. It has been a day I have dreaded my whole life. I am very curious to know how this day is so special for you all, also i wish i will be happily normal on one birth day.

VALENTINE'S DAY'S

unlike Bday's this phenomenon comes into your life in college(or at least it came to my knowledge in college). I hardly remember any valentines days before that except when my foolish friend gave a Pink Dairy milk chocolate to my school mate and told me about that story more than 1000 times till date.

It is a day that I reckon single people and couples dread equally. For single people, it underlines the truth that they are not in a relationship and increases their paranoia that everyone else around them is. For couples, it creates so much pressure, as the expectations are simply too high (as they are on New year’s Eve) and neither of them is able to meet them.

I have witnessed both these situations. When i was in a relationship i felt tremendous pressure to make it special, toughest part was to define special. Buying Teddy's, roses, bouquets of flowers, Chocolates, coffee etc etc sound's so boring. I would much rather appreciate a causal evening walk and a goodnight kiss :).

Needless to say that i am single now :). Now i feel the different pressure on that day.
i might sound like a weirdo, but i think its true for most ppl.

I feel awkward meeting up with anyone on the 13th or 14th for fear they would think it was “Valentine’s Day date.”

while i am at it, i will also express my confusions about love and romantic love. I dont know if there is any emotion called romantic love( which supposedly exists between men and women).

Love for me is the same that you have for your parents, friends, pets and watever..... contrary to public opinion i am a loving person, i love everything and anything. In fact i love strangers more than the people i knw very well. Because the more i knw about someone the more deficiencies i see in them. Don't get me wrong i would still care about ppl i knw.
I love strangers and i care for ppl i knw. So this emotion is not confined only between men and women.

I dont think there is any emotion called romantic love at all between men and women. There is friendship with mutual respect and then lust, chemistry, passion and same love that they have for their pets, environment and what not.

Am also curious to know how your valentines day was? good or bad.


NEW YEAR'S EVE

I always want to split my past into years and review them, but i cant. Only differentiator that i have on my time scale is NOW.

Past as memory, present as living and future as opportunity.

I struggle to see a year in isolation, i cannot write wish lists every new year( the list usually is the same every year). I cannot set new goals, may be i am too scared of not being able to achieve them. Then this expectation of doing something different when the clock ticks into the new year.
This is mainly self imposed pressure to be able to answer "what did you do on new years eve?"
Add to this pressure of not being welcomed in the most happening parties on the day because you are single.(any other country in the world this would be your biggest asset on that day but not to be in India)



While these are the reasons i felt stressed over the years on these days, i slowly feel i have gotten over them. I feel i am more at peace and equipped to handle them when they come next, i am more or less out of these cliched rituals. :)

P.S: I have always enjoyed Independence day the most, Parade at red fort, PM and Presidents speech. Cultural activities in the school and in the societies. Celebration of identity and nationality:). May be i havent yet figured out how to not njoy this day. ;)